Pillow cases, the new bathhouses, and There's Something About Mary

I was given a gift certificate to a major department store.   After some deliberation I have decided that it was less a "gift" of material goods and more of an experience in what can happen in Westbrook, Maine on a Saturday morning.  

A month ago I purchased a pair of work pants at BIG department store name  Apparently, I am fat because the size 36 waist didn't fit.  Be that as it may, I was given a couple pair of Carhardts with a size 36 waist and I swim around in them.  Whatever works.  

I am standing in line to return these hipster styled worker pants and of course there is a women returning 46 different items.  Half bought online.  Half bought in other stores.  I threw in my headphones and decided to listen to the easy sounds of Brian Fallon and take a deep breath.  The lady at the return counter was doing her best and frankly, I was at a Department store name in Westbrook, Maine on a Saturday.  What am I supposed to expect?  Much to my delight another customer service person arrived on the scene and now we have a line that is moving.........until...........and this is where things get interesting.  A man, wearing sweatpants, balding, probably my age (34) ((Fuck, it hurts to write a number that big with a birthday coming up)) declares to the woman in customer service, "There is a man who offered to suck another man's.........DICK in the bathroom!"  I heard him say this over the medium volume of my headphones.  No regard for the children in the store. Just blurted out a gay sex scene in the bathroom for all to hear.  It was like the guy was so excited to tell on these two love birds in the men's room that he just had to tell someone.  Bet he was the hall monitor in elementary school and has failed the Maine State Police entrance exam 6 times. 

As a sidenote, the very first thing I thought about was the scene in There's Something About Mary when the therapist tells him that rest stops along the highway are the bathhouses of the 90's.  I guess Big department store name bathrooms are the bath houses of the twenty-teens.  

Anyhow, I didn't stick around to see the aftermath.  I did, however, purchase myself a very nice pillow that I am super excited to rest my head on this evening. The pillow was $25 on sale.  The pillow cases, the cheapest ones in the store were $49.99.  What the fuck is that?  A real scam they have going on there.......I'll give you one guess if I am going to use a pillow case.....yeah, no.