Each year for the last ten or so I attempt to do some form of holiday excess cleanse. This isn't unique. I have read a lot about different experiences people have had with not drinking for 31 days to start the year and they are all the same and very different than mine. So here goes - This is my experience with not drinking for the month of January.
Ok, so maybe not the entire month...
1. I woke up the morning of January 1st 2021 and....made myself a mimosa. So right off the bat, dry January fail. Whatever, we had leftover champagne and not so fresh OJ in the fridge. This was me dedicating myself to being less wasteful in the new year.
2. As soon as I had that first drink, what the hell, football was on, may as well head to the corner store for a six pack and a pack of smokes and really get after it. Please note, I do not smoke, it is just an expression.
3. I head to the corner store to buy some Powerball tickets and another six pack. I walk back in 20 minutes later will a roll of half-scratched $2 lottery tickets in one hand and a premium six-pack of local brews in the other. You gotta support the local guys.
4. Wake up the next morning (Saturday) with a hangover. Lucky for me, there's football on all day. It would be weird not to have a beer or two for the games. I order a pizza and grab a six pack or two and make a day out of it. Frankly, at this point, I feel great and Dry January is off to a swimming start.
5. Sunday, woof. Football all day, couch all day, beer all day, dinner is a large pasta meal with some red wine, we pop open a bottle of champagne. And....I'm full. You know when you hit your consumption limit? That was me, January 3rd, 2021. I felt full and like the consumption was consumption for computations sake. So there it was. Dry January began as I went to bed on January 3rd at the ungodly early hour of 10pm.
6. Been sober since and each day is its own nightmare. No longer do I have the pageantry of making myself a cocktail at cocktail hour (which ranges between 3pm on the weekend to 7pm on weekdays), I don't get to hang on the couch and relax with a beer, I can't head to the bar on the corner (strictly to support the local economy) that doesn't exist because I live in NYC and they have decided to murder one of its biggest industries (If I can go to a grocery store I should be able to socially distanced sit in a restaurant at a table, order a beer or two and be on my way. These morons are making it impossible to patronize restaurants and bars. But I digress.) Anyhow, I like drinking.
7. I have reached the end of Netflix. So that's cool.
8. I lost a little weight, but eat a lot more dessert at the end of the night. I go grocery shopping and decide against buying entire cakes because I know I will eat the whole thing in one sitting.
9. Got so bored I started fasting for 18-20 hours at a time. Seriously, just because I'm bored.
10. Started pumping iron. And by that I mean the 22 pound dumbbells I have in the apartment. So I'm getting super not-jacked.
11. I probably drink 4 gallons of water a day.
12. I go for these long, aimless walks during the day like a dementia ridden retiree. People ask me if I need help while I am wandering around. Mostly because I have no set plan as to where I am going and probably look like a lost tourist, only everyone in NYC knows we no longer have tourism so they figure I'm just another homeless person (we have a lot of them here these days. It's a problem)
13. I am 21 days in now and I'm going to go to the end of January to make it an even 28 days, which feels appropriate. 31 days is simply too daunting.
14. I don't sleep any better. If anything I wake up too early and it is the worst.
15. I guess I'm spending less money. But it isn't a huge amount.
16. I watch a lot of golf on TV and I'll tell ya, it is a lot more interesting when there is beer involved. I have no clue why that might be the case.
17. I can't travel anywhere so that at the very least I can be sober somewhere warm.
18. Oh, the Capitol got stormed during all of this. Which let's me know that sobriety can be maintained during the worst of days and frankly, it was probably a good thing. I didn't have many nice things to say on January 6th.
Well, I'm off to do hundreds of bicep curls with my light dumbbells, drink a gallon of water, and then wander along the East River. Maybe I'll wear a suit for my walk so nobody thinks that I need to be put in one of those Upper West Side hotels where they put all of the homeless folks. I can't fucking wait for the weather to warm up, for people to be able to see one another again, and for life to get back to normal. I'll drink to that (In another week).
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