If you know me at all, you know my favorite band is The Gaslight Anthem. There is no debate, they are the best band in the world right now. Seriously, no debate. Don't even attempt to tell me there is a band anywhere close to the songwriting/story telling on Brian Fallon. Anyhow, that is not the point of this post. The point is more that I had a small adventure while I went down to Asbury Park, NJ from my new home here in Astoria, NY.
So I get up the day of the show and it is like Christmas for me. I'm psyched. I hadn't seen the band since November when I saw all three shows they played in Manhattan. I would also like to point out that I typically will go to these shows alone. It is simply my thing. I am there to see the band, not chat with somebody. It is like going to the movies. Why in the fuck would I go see a movie with someone else? So I can not talk to them?
So I get to Penn Station to take NJ Transit to the show. It is odd how they manage the trains at Penn Station. People crowd around boards to see where the train will depart. Then when posted, usually ten minutes before the train leaves everyone runs to the door. It is a huge cluster fuck and frankly a terrible method. Just post it like Grand Central. It is far more orderly. Before getting on the train I think to myself, "Self, would you like a beer for the train ride?" "Why yes Andrew, yes I would." So I decide to grab a beer, but not knowing the laws in the state of New Jersey I decide to ask the delightfully fat, sloppy, and unprofessional police officer sitting at some information desk about the alcohol laws in New Jersey. "No Beer!" was his reply to which I stated...."Just asking buddy, trying not to break the law." "Yeah, well now I have told you." So I learned a couple of things from that interaction
1. The slob cop probably got beat up a lot in middle school and he has a gun to compensate for it
2. Alcohol is not permitted on NJ Transit trains.
Noted.
So I see the track has been announced to I head to down the train with the other commuters like cattle and find a train that is void of any small children. It is something I try to do on all transit....avoid children. They are either terribly behaved or are well behaved and have too much energy. Either way, it makes for bitter travel. (Can you imagine that I am 31 and single with that take on kids?) So I find myself a seat facing the direction we will be traveling and pop in my earbuds........Gaslight Anthem tunes playing. Relaxing. Sipping on my non-alcoholic Gatorade. Life is just grand.
And then........
"Yo, yo ma how you doin?"
Oh for the love of Christ.........
I spend the next hour listening to a conversation that included the following (I could attempt to repeat the conversation here, but I couldn't do it the justice it deserves) Highlights:
The gentleman was 35 years old and has one child.
He gets along with his baby mama. Yes, that term was in fact used.
Currently unemployed.
Just got his second DUI and that is why he was on the train.
He thought Melissa, the girl in the aisle next to him was "real, real pretty."
Melissa is in AA
Dude then says, "I ain't gonna lie to you cause that's not what I'm about....I've had a few beers today."
This is when I turn off the music and invest in listening to this courting process.
He then asks what her name is again.
They begin talking about how much they can drink.
Melissa used to drink a bottle of vodka and "do some stupid shit"
Melissa now announces she has a daughter. I am guessing this is a result of having had a bottle of vodka one night.
She has pictures of her daughter on her iPhone that I am assuming I paid for with my tax dollars.
He doesn't have a phone because he "forgot to pay the bill"
"She's so beautiful. Takes after her mother."
He then takes out a picture of his daughter, "How cute." Melissa responds.
More of the same for the next 15 minutes.
"You are real, real pretty. You want to be facebook friends with me?"
"Sure."
He gives her his name and she looks him up and sends him a friend request. I would like to point out that I have not seen what this girl looks like. I have see the guy. He looks like a rough neck, uneducated, white male.
It is almost her stop so she gets up and goes to the door. He sits there for a moment and gets up. I am guessing the amount of beer he consumed earlier in the day has nothing to do with this.
I don't see what happens because it is blocked form my view, but I do see her get off the train....she is....well, let's just say a little bigger and maybe not exactly the best looking girl I have ever seen, but hey maybe after his "few beers" she was a prize.
Anyhow, I am really rooting for these two to procreate.
I finally arrive in Asbury Park home of the Stone Pony. A legendary institution. Much to my surprise there were not a whole lot of people who got off the train. Shocking. Absolutely shocking that there weren't throngs of people flooding into Asbury Park to see the best American rock band of all-time.
So in a strange twist I decide to hit a bar seeing how I have approximately 4 hours before my music bliss. Of course I found a bar that was playing bingo at 5 PM on a Sunday. Of course I did. How could I not? The cool thing was that if I won bingo I won a bike. So I grab a board and a beer and start chatting to the friendly lesbian couple next to me. OK, one of them was friendly and the other was sort of like, stop talking to my girlfriend you asshole, but whatever...I'm harmless. Gaslight Anthem or crazy threesome down the shore. I'll take Gaslight Anthem 100 out of 100. Yes, I like the band THAT much.
At beer number two I realize I am ONE space away from winning this bike. All I need is O 69. Shocking.
So now I am actively chanting "Come on 69!" The friendly lesbian is giggling. Her lover looks like she is about to hit me over the head with a bar stool. Alas, O 69 never comes and I do not win a bike that I would have no use for in any capacity whatsoever. How very sad. The couple leaves. One giving me a hug, the other giving me the evil eye.
I am drinking beer and another young lady sits down next to me. We chat. She is going to the show too! She just got into a fight with her boyfriend! She is upset and needs to drink! There, there darling...Andrew is here. Now apparently the fight had something to do with his job. His job is the drum tech for...........The Gaslight Anthem. He used to roof houses with BRIAN FALLON!!!! She knows the band. So now I'm kind of like, hey....maybe you should say you are sorry to your boyfriend and stop being such a jerk. We have a couple more beers. She was a cool chick and she tells me where the band will be partying after the show.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!
Her boyfriend comes into the bar. I am eager to meet him. He gives me the "Stop hitting on my girl vibe." And I get it, but what's with all the spouses hating on me. Jeez. I'm a big Gaslight Anthem fan sitting at a bar, trying to win a bike, and enjoy some Jersey love. So she takes off with the boyfriend and I hang for a tad longer and then wander on over to the Stone Pony. I am incredibly early, but there is no chance I would show up to a Gaslight concert even close to when they might take the stage.
Wandering around I learn that PBR tall boys are $5. Someone is making a profit there, but hell, I'm here, why not? So now I'm drinking PBR and I am feeling a lot like I belong in Jersey. That's when I see...........a girl I think I know. Do I? Yes, it is Lisa. I trained for the marathon with Lisa last year. Odd enough I also ran into her at the last Gaslight concert I attended. Maybe it is fate. That or we both like the same band. Who knows, but Lisa is hot and her friends are cool so I enjoy the company and the mass amounts of PBR that I am now drinking.....because it is just soooooo......almost good.
OK, half hour before showtime. Bathroom time. But I have this thing where if I have consumed a lot of liquid (I do this for races too) I pee consecutively. I pee and then get in line again so that I make sure I won't have to worry about it during the event. It is just good common sense. I part ways with Lisa & Co. knowing that I will most likely see her at the next Gaslight concert.
Pee. Pee again.
Showtime.
So here is my method to get to the front of a very crowded outdoor space. I start yelling, "Jerry!!! Hey, Jerry!!!" No really I do. People look at me funny, but figure I am going to meet my friend Jerry. When I get to an acceptable space I just tell the people around me. "I guess Jerry isn't here."
So I'm 4 people back from the stage. Boom. Happy Camper.
Gaslight, as always, puts on a great show. It is unreal. A bit much on the moshing for me, but whatever, I am used to it at these concerts by now. I must be getting old because that shit is so unappealing to me. I am there to watch a concert, not get my head smashed in by some 20 year old kid who need to get off his computer and get aggression out in the gym rather than smashing into me at a concert I paid good money to see. But either way......they put on a show that I would categorize as epic. Everyone was at the top of their game. Seeing them sing about Cookman Avenue and having been walking on that street just a few hours beforehand was, for me, a thrill.
So it is the last song of the encore. Crowd is going nuts. Pure energy coming from the stage. People are crowd surfing. And with two minutes left..........boom! Glass kicked off my head. People jumping around. I go to look for them. GONE. So I spent the last two minutes of my favorite band's concert searching for my glass because I am blind. Never to be found. Never to be seen again. They must have disintegrated in the glory that is the Gaslight Anthem.
Great show, but now....I am fucked. I am doing calculations. There are zero hotels available. The place where the band is partying is a ways from the train. I am legally blind in 9 states. Not good.
I make the executive decision that meeting the band under these circumstances would be ill advised. I decide to wander back to the train. The last one getting me to NYC was at 12:01. I kindly ask a bouncer to help lead me to the exit (No really, I'm that blind) and start walking back to the train station.
The walk to the train was uneventful and I was not robbed or harassed by Jersey natives. Thank you New Jersey.
I got back to the little town area about an hour before my train so I .....yeah, I had another beer. I mean, I couldn't see anything anyway, why not? The bartender remembered me and bought my beer (my biceps must have looked good or something).
I caught my train with the other vagrants leaving Asbury Park for greener pastures. I made my connection and got back to the city at around 2:30 at which point I clearly took a cab.
Cost of new glasses: $473 - but let me tell you, they look damn good. See, another reason to like the Gaslight Anthem. They got me new glasses....sort of.
Note - I will be wearing my back up glasses to the next Gaslight concert I attend.
So I get up the day of the show and it is like Christmas for me. I'm psyched. I hadn't seen the band since November when I saw all three shows they played in Manhattan. I would also like to point out that I typically will go to these shows alone. It is simply my thing. I am there to see the band, not chat with somebody. It is like going to the movies. Why in the fuck would I go see a movie with someone else? So I can not talk to them?
So I get to Penn Station to take NJ Transit to the show. It is odd how they manage the trains at Penn Station. People crowd around boards to see where the train will depart. Then when posted, usually ten minutes before the train leaves everyone runs to the door. It is a huge cluster fuck and frankly a terrible method. Just post it like Grand Central. It is far more orderly. Before getting on the train I think to myself, "Self, would you like a beer for the train ride?" "Why yes Andrew, yes I would." So I decide to grab a beer, but not knowing the laws in the state of New Jersey I decide to ask the delightfully fat, sloppy, and unprofessional police officer sitting at some information desk about the alcohol laws in New Jersey. "No Beer!" was his reply to which I stated...."Just asking buddy, trying not to break the law." "Yeah, well now I have told you." So I learned a couple of things from that interaction
1. The slob cop probably got beat up a lot in middle school and he has a gun to compensate for it
2. Alcohol is not permitted on NJ Transit trains.
Noted.
So I see the track has been announced to I head to down the train with the other commuters like cattle and find a train that is void of any small children. It is something I try to do on all transit....avoid children. They are either terribly behaved or are well behaved and have too much energy. Either way, it makes for bitter travel. (Can you imagine that I am 31 and single with that take on kids?) So I find myself a seat facing the direction we will be traveling and pop in my earbuds........Gaslight Anthem tunes playing. Relaxing. Sipping on my non-alcoholic Gatorade. Life is just grand.
And then........
"Yo, yo ma how you doin?"
Oh for the love of Christ.........
I spend the next hour listening to a conversation that included the following (I could attempt to repeat the conversation here, but I couldn't do it the justice it deserves) Highlights:
The gentleman was 35 years old and has one child.
He gets along with his baby mama. Yes, that term was in fact used.
Currently unemployed.
Just got his second DUI and that is why he was on the train.
He thought Melissa, the girl in the aisle next to him was "real, real pretty."
Melissa is in AA
Dude then says, "I ain't gonna lie to you cause that's not what I'm about....I've had a few beers today."
This is when I turn off the music and invest in listening to this courting process.
He then asks what her name is again.
They begin talking about how much they can drink.
Melissa used to drink a bottle of vodka and "do some stupid shit"
Melissa now announces she has a daughter. I am guessing this is a result of having had a bottle of vodka one night.
She has pictures of her daughter on her iPhone that I am assuming I paid for with my tax dollars.
He doesn't have a phone because he "forgot to pay the bill"
"She's so beautiful. Takes after her mother."
He then takes out a picture of his daughter, "How cute." Melissa responds.
More of the same for the next 15 minutes.
"You are real, real pretty. You want to be facebook friends with me?"
"Sure."
He gives her his name and she looks him up and sends him a friend request. I would like to point out that I have not seen what this girl looks like. I have see the guy. He looks like a rough neck, uneducated, white male.
It is almost her stop so she gets up and goes to the door. He sits there for a moment and gets up. I am guessing the amount of beer he consumed earlier in the day has nothing to do with this.
I don't see what happens because it is blocked form my view, but I do see her get off the train....she is....well, let's just say a little bigger and maybe not exactly the best looking girl I have ever seen, but hey maybe after his "few beers" she was a prize.
Anyhow, I am really rooting for these two to procreate.
I finally arrive in Asbury Park home of the Stone Pony. A legendary institution. Much to my surprise there were not a whole lot of people who got off the train. Shocking. Absolutely shocking that there weren't throngs of people flooding into Asbury Park to see the best American rock band of all-time.
So in a strange twist I decide to hit a bar seeing how I have approximately 4 hours before my music bliss. Of course I found a bar that was playing bingo at 5 PM on a Sunday. Of course I did. How could I not? The cool thing was that if I won bingo I won a bike. So I grab a board and a beer and start chatting to the friendly lesbian couple next to me. OK, one of them was friendly and the other was sort of like, stop talking to my girlfriend you asshole, but whatever...I'm harmless. Gaslight Anthem or crazy threesome down the shore. I'll take Gaslight Anthem 100 out of 100. Yes, I like the band THAT much.
At beer number two I realize I am ONE space away from winning this bike. All I need is O 69. Shocking.
So now I am actively chanting "Come on 69!" The friendly lesbian is giggling. Her lover looks like she is about to hit me over the head with a bar stool. Alas, O 69 never comes and I do not win a bike that I would have no use for in any capacity whatsoever. How very sad. The couple leaves. One giving me a hug, the other giving me the evil eye.
I am drinking beer and another young lady sits down next to me. We chat. She is going to the show too! She just got into a fight with her boyfriend! She is upset and needs to drink! There, there darling...Andrew is here. Now apparently the fight had something to do with his job. His job is the drum tech for...........The Gaslight Anthem. He used to roof houses with BRIAN FALLON!!!! She knows the band. So now I'm kind of like, hey....maybe you should say you are sorry to your boyfriend and stop being such a jerk. We have a couple more beers. She was a cool chick and she tells me where the band will be partying after the show.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!
Her boyfriend comes into the bar. I am eager to meet him. He gives me the "Stop hitting on my girl vibe." And I get it, but what's with all the spouses hating on me. Jeez. I'm a big Gaslight Anthem fan sitting at a bar, trying to win a bike, and enjoy some Jersey love. So she takes off with the boyfriend and I hang for a tad longer and then wander on over to the Stone Pony. I am incredibly early, but there is no chance I would show up to a Gaslight concert even close to when they might take the stage.
Wandering around I learn that PBR tall boys are $5. Someone is making a profit there, but hell, I'm here, why not? So now I'm drinking PBR and I am feeling a lot like I belong in Jersey. That's when I see...........a girl I think I know. Do I? Yes, it is Lisa. I trained for the marathon with Lisa last year. Odd enough I also ran into her at the last Gaslight concert I attended. Maybe it is fate. That or we both like the same band. Who knows, but Lisa is hot and her friends are cool so I enjoy the company and the mass amounts of PBR that I am now drinking.....because it is just soooooo......almost good.
OK, half hour before showtime. Bathroom time. But I have this thing where if I have consumed a lot of liquid (I do this for races too) I pee consecutively. I pee and then get in line again so that I make sure I won't have to worry about it during the event. It is just good common sense. I part ways with Lisa & Co. knowing that I will most likely see her at the next Gaslight concert.
Pee. Pee again.
Showtime.
So here is my method to get to the front of a very crowded outdoor space. I start yelling, "Jerry!!! Hey, Jerry!!!" No really I do. People look at me funny, but figure I am going to meet my friend Jerry. When I get to an acceptable space I just tell the people around me. "I guess Jerry isn't here."
So I'm 4 people back from the stage. Boom. Happy Camper.
Gaslight, as always, puts on a great show. It is unreal. A bit much on the moshing for me, but whatever, I am used to it at these concerts by now. I must be getting old because that shit is so unappealing to me. I am there to watch a concert, not get my head smashed in by some 20 year old kid who need to get off his computer and get aggression out in the gym rather than smashing into me at a concert I paid good money to see. But either way......they put on a show that I would categorize as epic. Everyone was at the top of their game. Seeing them sing about Cookman Avenue and having been walking on that street just a few hours beforehand was, for me, a thrill.
So it is the last song of the encore. Crowd is going nuts. Pure energy coming from the stage. People are crowd surfing. And with two minutes left..........boom! Glass kicked off my head. People jumping around. I go to look for them. GONE. So I spent the last two minutes of my favorite band's concert searching for my glass because I am blind. Never to be found. Never to be seen again. They must have disintegrated in the glory that is the Gaslight Anthem.
Great show, but now....I am fucked. I am doing calculations. There are zero hotels available. The place where the band is partying is a ways from the train. I am legally blind in 9 states. Not good.
I make the executive decision that meeting the band under these circumstances would be ill advised. I decide to wander back to the train. The last one getting me to NYC was at 12:01. I kindly ask a bouncer to help lead me to the exit (No really, I'm that blind) and start walking back to the train station.
The walk to the train was uneventful and I was not robbed or harassed by Jersey natives. Thank you New Jersey.
I got back to the little town area about an hour before my train so I .....yeah, I had another beer. I mean, I couldn't see anything anyway, why not? The bartender remembered me and bought my beer (my biceps must have looked good or something).
I caught my train with the other vagrants leaving Asbury Park for greener pastures. I made my connection and got back to the city at around 2:30 at which point I clearly took a cab.
Cost of new glasses: $473 - but let me tell you, they look damn good. See, another reason to like the Gaslight Anthem. They got me new glasses....sort of.
Note - I will be wearing my back up glasses to the next Gaslight concert I attend.
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